How I feel

How I feel....how do I feel.

  You sit there,
                   your heart-rate jacked,
      your hand......steady...

The week is all messed up. Schedule wise that is. 
Sleep is the word for the while.
I'd forgotten how good The Departed was.

"Maybe, maybe not, maybe it's not any of your fucking business."-The Departed

I wish I had something more to talk about...

A Life of Mediocrity

Last week I think? Something like that. I was learning the six step and attempting to do it, horribly. Anyways when Robert says, "What are you good at?" I've often pondered that myself. I felt angry then just because...well, how would you feel if someone asked you that? Then the PSAT asked my on Saturday. Anyways, it's something I've wondered myself since...whenever I became old enough to seriously think about my future.

What am I good at?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm mediocre/good at everything. Sure I excel in some things but not to the point of being considered genius, potential, or talented. I'm OK with almost everything I do. Sometimes I'm good or sometimes I'm bad. I haven't really found my thing. Everyone else has music, art, writing, sport, mathematics, language, etc. I have _______.

I think the first thing I ever wanted to be was an artist. That's just what I think....then I realized that I'm not that good of an artist. I mean everyone is good when they're 5, right? Then there's chef but I lack whatever is needed to be one. Video game maker has been persistent throughout (What does Jaffe do?). Then.....I don't know. That's all I remember. Recently? I think something to do with photography. Cinematography? Something like that. Then again I'm not really that good in any of those either I think. I don't know what to do, to become. I hope I find whatever I'm good at soon. I hope it's something that doesn't require living in a cubicle.


I've noticed I write a lot about my future or maybe I don't....? Perhaps I need to reflect more on what's happening now to find out more about myself. I might find something then....but who knows.



"To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act."-Anatole France