Disappointment

So this weekend has been pretty disappointing.

Saturday wake up early and do a holiday parade, which was ok but not the way I would like to spend my Saturday mornings. Then "ghost hunting" which was anything but.

Sunday wake up around 5:30 or something to go skiing, which ended up being another disappointment. Wake up super early again only to find that the road going to Snow Summit is closed. So we went to the nearest ski resort which was Snow Valley. $90 wasted because those douches only open 3 of the lifts: bunny hill, slightly steeper bunny hill, and the snowboarders ramp shit. So we went down the slightly steeper bunny hill for 3 hours or so, which I can't even think of how that was possible now. At least if the lift went a little faster it might have been better, but no the lift takes at least 5 minutes and in less than a minute your already back at the freaking lift. On top that the lift operator acted like everyone was retarded and had t o t a l k r e a l l y s l o w to everyone because apparently he thinks no one knows how to sit on a chair. So we leave.

Dickens I don't know how he does it, but he puts me to sleep all the time. I can't get past a couple of paragraphs before I find myself asleep. Like on the way back from the mountains I'm reading it in the car and I don't even realize I'm asleep until my brother asks me what book I'm reading.

I had a weird dream though while I was asleep. I dreamt that someone was pouring me a drink and then I hear my brother ask what book I'm reading and my drink turns into books and I'm drinking it.

Anyways, I don't dig the reason why he was such a great writer. His books have tons of detail in them, but it's only because he got paid by the word. In my mind that means he wrote unnecessarily long just so he could get paid and not because it helped the story.

I think the rest of the week will be looking better though. I always thought if bad things happen to you good things have to happen in order for life to be balanced. Life is balanced if you think about it...maybe not... In any case tomorrow is another day.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” - Albert Einstein

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” - Brian Tracy

“When a man asks himself what is meant by action he proves that he isn't a man of action. Action is a lack of balance. In order to act you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible man is satisfied with thinking.” - James Arthur Brian

I suppose I'm a reasonably sensible man then......I want, nay, need to be insane.

RAIN!

RAIN! I LOVE IT!

Copying

Copying. Makes me feel stupid. I feel like I'm getting dumber from every day that passes by. I'm starting to question how much of my work is actually my work. I'm feeling like a total failure right now. Feels like I'm copying every other thing nowadays. It's not a good feeling. I wish I would stop, but my procrastinating demons won't leave me. I question how well I'll do in school. Essays? Those haven't been doing so well. When I do my own work it seems to always turn out bad. How am I supposed to take SATs like this? I don't even know anymore. Right at this moment I'm feeling the worst I've felt in a while. My chest is feels like it's on fire and choking up. I can't even write a decent essay anymore. Even this is a bunch of jumbled up sentences that hardly make much sense. This all needs to change now. Maybe this is just how things are supposed to be, but I don't know. I don't feel the sense of pride from getting my own work done anymore, it always feels like it's someone else's because it probably is. From here on out I'm changing the way I conduct things. If I don't then things will only get worse.

Weekending

Friday - Being decisive for once and made the decision to go to the Aquabats concert, which was the right choice. Yo Gabba Gabba was so awesome, Hunter Revenge was forgettable, and The Aquabats was cool. Moshing was intense and scary as all hell when I fell on the floor. Planet Terror was hilarious. Need to finish Death Proof because we had to go right at the best part. Anybody want an Aquabats sticker?

Saturday - Slept a good 12 hours then went on an adventure filled with thrills.

Sunday - Sleep, eat, lounge. Once again procrastinating....I must stop. My neck and arms are sore from who knows what. I should get a good night's sleep tonight, but who knows how that will go.

The sound of jazz flows into my room from downstairs, relaxing. Nice music to reflect to. I need to watch more movies, read more books, listen to more music, find a way to make money. I feel like destroying something...something amazing or beautiful. Or just destroying some pixels on my computer. Someone get me a beard cap, a Japanese Aquabats shirt, and a BIG messenger bag to go on my back.

Marching Band: A Retrospective

The season is finally over. We've had an amazing streak this year and I really don't regret much. Not making finals was heartbreaking, but we represented Cali well. Looking back this was a really fun year. There's been a lot of memories to be kept. Seniors will be missed next year. They really seem like the life of the party and it will be a completely different place without them.

And...

Well that's all I really have to say. What more can I say?

Ladies and gentlemen please
Would you bring your attention to me?
For a feast for your eyes to see
An explosion of catastrophe

Like nothing you’ve ever seen before
Watch closely as I open this door
Your jaws will be on the floor
After this you’ll be begging for more

Welcome to the show
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen good evening
You’ve seen that seeing is believing
Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding
Please check to see if you’re still breathing

Hold tight cause the show is not over
If you will please move in closer
You're about to be bowled over
By the wonders you’re about to behold here

Welcome to the show (welcome to the show)
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
ladies and gentlemen

boom
Do you want it?
boom
Do you need it?
boom
Let me hear it

Welcome to the show
We're glad you came along
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Ayala is coming for you Indy.

Ooo yeah

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WANT

Awesome.

Dope.

Fresh.

Tight.

Classic.

Gangster.Indy.


Top.

Work Hard

"To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard." -Carl Sandburg

Oh man!How long ago did I get that from Gwen?I wish I saw her around more or talked to her or something. Tight person.

I want to keep band life out of this, but Indy is a-comin! Get excited for that.
HEY BIG BRO IF YOU READ THIS BOA LA THIS SATURDAY. LAST COMPETITION BEFORE INDY!WATCH!

How I feel

How I feel....how do I feel.

  You sit there,
                   your heart-rate jacked,
      your hand......steady...

The week is all messed up. Schedule wise that is. 
Sleep is the word for the while.
I'd forgotten how good The Departed was.

"Maybe, maybe not, maybe it's not any of your fucking business."-The Departed

I wish I had something more to talk about...

A Life of Mediocrity

Last week I think? Something like that. I was learning the six step and attempting to do it, horribly. Anyways when Robert says, "What are you good at?" I've often pondered that myself. I felt angry then just because...well, how would you feel if someone asked you that? Then the PSAT asked my on Saturday. Anyways, it's something I've wondered myself since...whenever I became old enough to seriously think about my future.

What am I good at?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm mediocre/good at everything. Sure I excel in some things but not to the point of being considered genius, potential, or talented. I'm OK with almost everything I do. Sometimes I'm good or sometimes I'm bad. I haven't really found my thing. Everyone else has music, art, writing, sport, mathematics, language, etc. I have _______.

I think the first thing I ever wanted to be was an artist. That's just what I think....then I realized that I'm not that good of an artist. I mean everyone is good when they're 5, right? Then there's chef but I lack whatever is needed to be one. Video game maker has been persistent throughout (What does Jaffe do?). Then.....I don't know. That's all I remember. Recently? I think something to do with photography. Cinematography? Something like that. Then again I'm not really that good in any of those either I think. I don't know what to do, to become. I hope I find whatever I'm good at soon. I hope it's something that doesn't require living in a cubicle.


I've noticed I write a lot about my future or maybe I don't....? Perhaps I need to reflect more on what's happening now to find out more about myself. I might find something then....but who knows.



"To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act."-Anatole France

Again

Which reminds me.....I need The Boggs album Forts. It's so good...

Clouds

I suppose now would be a good time to update my blog. I figure I should update when I feel that something major is happening in my life. I don't know why people update when all they do is recount their day as if to make sure they remember what they ate for lunch. I mean what's the point of blogs if you don't put down your emotions, thoughts, etc. Sure it's public so you may not want everyone to read it, but I still feel as if it defeats the purpose of writing these. Actually I don't really know why I write these. It always feels as if when I feel like writing something down I'm not near my computer or I don't have anywhere to write it down.

Which reminds me, I need to get a dream journal. Or maybe just a general journal for whatever I have to write down.

Then again knowing me I might be too lazy to do it....I wish I weren't so lazy. How do you change that?

Anyways, school feels like it's more pressure. It's probably because I'm lazy. WHY?
Laziness seems to be the root of all my problems. If I could just get on top of things I'm sure it'd be all better, but until that happens I guess I'm stuck living this way. I feel like I'm saying this as if I know everything. At 15 though how much can you really know?

Which reminds me, I wanted to write or do something about the education system.

How can I expect myself to accomplish these goals I have for myself when I can barely update these regularly? I don't know...failure seems like an evermore appealing option. For the short run anyways. Long run....who knows, I might strike it lucky with something. College?I don't even know what I want to be. I'm still hanging on the idea of going into something related to film. Photographer has become more appealing to me. Maybe...who knows.

Which reminds me, Eagle. I need to get my shit together.

Emotion wise I feel not happy. I don't want to say depressed because I don't really think that's what it is. More like...I feel empty, but heavy at the same time. Bouts of anger when I'm arguing with someone are really the only times I feel alive. I feel the blood rush through my veins. The color return to my face? I don't really know. Maybe it's just that I like someone...I don't really want to say that I do though because I don't feel like I do, at the same time some how I do.

Which reminds me, I'm a liar. Sorry to the person I lied to even though they'll probably never see this.

Which reminds me, I want some more Adiddas and some Kangol hats. Godfather hats, Fedoras.

Which reminds me, I want to watch some more movies.

Which reminds me, I don't really like writing these because I don't think I can really express the way I feel, or think through words. Maybe if I was better with the English language I would want to be a writer. That's one reason I feel like I want to do something with film or photography. Words are powerful. Images are more powerful. In my opinion, but this my blog so I guess I don't really have to say that.

Which reminds me, computers. I want to upgrade. Or something so I can enjoy some Orange Box and Bioshock from the comfort of my room.

I remember some people actually bothered to read these when I would update more, but now I would bet that no one will read this....until after a long time has passed. I'll end this the way I used to though.

"Doubt whom you will, but never yourself."-Christine Bovee

"Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt."-Clarence Darrow

"To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man."-Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

For What It's Worth

Lets get the formalities out of the way. Yes, I haven't updated in a long time. Yes, there shouldn't be a post about Flagstaff still.

This is a new beginning as I am going to disregard all posts previous to this one.

Lately, I've been thinking about the time I live in. I feel like I've been born too late. Maybe it's just delusions of a simpler time, but the world we live in seems like it's spiraling into oblivion. Global warming, war, genocide, globalization, chips being implanted into people, the corporate hold over people, etc. How much longer until it all it just all collapses? Or until the men in control finally take over and unite the world under one government?

One government, one country, one leader. Rockefeller, Rothschild, and the like are the ones in control. The North American Union...ever heard of it? Probably not. If you haven't, aren't you interested in why you don't know about something like that? The chips to track you where ever you go. The dumbing down of America. The New World Order.

“It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.”
- Henry Ford

“Some even believe we (the Rockefeller family) are part of a secret cabal working against the best interests of the United States, characterizing my family and me as ‘internationalists’ and of conspiring with others around the world to build a more integrated global political and economic structure – one world, if you will. If that's the charge, I stand guilty, and I am proud of it.”
- David Rockefeller, Memoirs, page 405

"We are on the verge of a global transformation. All we need is the right major crisis and the nations will accept the New World Order."
- David Rockefeller

“Bankers own the earth; take it away from them but leave them with the power to create credit; and, with a flick of a pen, they will create enough money to buy it back again... If you want to be slaves of bankers and pay the cost of your own slavery, then let the bankers control money and control credit.”
- Sir Josiah Stamp, Director, Bank of England, 1940.

“Give me control of a nation's money and I care not who makes it's laws."
- Mayer Amschel Bauer Rothschild

http://amtruth.com/NWOquotes1

There has to be something to all this, right?

Watch.

Zeitgeist - The Movie, 2007
Why We Fight
The Corporation
America: From Freedom to Facism
This Is What Democracy Looks Like
Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media

The Income Tax is a LIE.

Is a revolution in order?

"In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway. " - Tyler Durden

Maybe you think I'm just talking out of my ass, but this is what I believe. A revolution is in order.

Part 1

3 A.M. The precursor to another day wasted. The screen blaring, the music playing. Why? Should be sleeping...like a disease it keeps me awake. Keeps me staring. Idle. The first chapter of a broken mind. Everything broken. An over dramatic observer who has nothing better to do. Paranoid everyone is always plotting against him. A wired individual always concerned of what he is thought of when he knows they shouldn't. It's broken. Makes no sense. What is this? Horrible. It's broken, wasted. The chronicle of a dilapidated mind. An over dramatic apocryphal story no being should see.