Climbing Ever Closer

to the near two months I haven't updated. In fact I do believe that anyone that would care to read this would be Nick. Yes, you Nick. I know you'll read this once this goes up since you're the one who told me to finally update my blog. So I may as well dedicate this post to you. In fact I might as well just have a conversation with you right now and break that fourth wall. Even though if I really wanted to do that then I could just talk to you in the IM box that's open right next to my Firefox window so that would be pretty pointless. Then again people have conversations through Myspace comments, so how much more absurd would it be to have a conversation through a blog? Not absurd at all if you ask me, there's plenty more things to be worried about in this world anyways. I don't know why I use punctuation, capitalization, or any other grammar marks in this. I mean even if I tried there would be grammar mistakes everywhere anyways so to me it would seem to be pointless. Like this part of the post, it really should be another paragraph. And that comma I used in that last sentence and this sentence, are they even used correctly? Or is that all a part of my writing style? Or it's just me not having a good handle on the English language? Whatever the case I suppose it doesn't make that much of difference in the end. We're all working towards a moot goal. When we leave this place all that will have been left behind are the scars we leave on this planet from all the strip mining, pollution, etc. But that shouldn't be the way of human thinking and to many it isn't. Thinking like that only get you two things:1. Hopelessness that'll drive you to give up on life and pursue nothing higher in your life. 2.Drive for a better future and a will to survive. Number 2 is the choice that the primal side of humans will make, but for many by the time that happens it'll be too late. Hopes of alternative fuels, clean air, a green tomorrow all seem to be always only 5 or 10 years away yet by the time that rolls around it's just another 5 or 10 years away. How long will it be before we actually put these technologies to use? Greed is a tough monster to overcome and many in business suits would rather bow down to. Strange thoughts come to mind when you let you're mind wander and have a writing utensil nearby, be it keyboard or pencil. My own personal future seems ever cloudier every day that goes by. What do I want to do? It seems like every time I come to write here that question always comes up and I find myself answering it in a similar fashion. First I'll talk about it and then I'll go on to ways to possibly fulfill that goal, but this time I don't think so. It just seems like a way to lie to myself with me actually believing in the lie. Always waiting on external forces to push me and my future. It's about time that I find my own drive. See what I did there? Another lie that I seem to have conjured up. Who knows though, maybe this time I'll actually follow what I say. I suppose if the future was clear there would be no point in living, but the mystery haunts me everyday. Scared for my future and my laziness. Too much to do, too little time. It always seems like that doesn't it? To people like me anyways. Those who sit around for 2, 3 hours doing nothing and then think to themselves, "What! Where did all the time go!?" Then we find ourselves panicking and rushing, putting out sub-par work. To depend on that randomness factor to swoop in and save me from myself is nothing, but a fantasy. A fantasy that all of should get away from. Those who made it, made it on their will to do. I seem to lack that. Writing on my blog always gets me down because of the stuff I write on here. But what else should a blog like my own be used for? I suppose this is what the purpose of my blog, to write my own sorrow onto it and leave for others to come by and laugh or be angry at the kinds of problems in my life, when other people have bigger ones. Meh, what can I say that will please passerbyers? Nothing, that's what. As of now I am discontent.