Late Night Jibber Jabber

Walking is lost. I think walking with your friends or just whoever is a good thing that many people might not do anymore. Sure it's nice to have a car, but walking is just as good as any to get to somewhere. With walking you share the journey of the walk. The heat, cold, pain, and whatever else that may happen during the walk. Maybe it's just me. It would be nice to have a car sometimes, but at other times it's just fun to go on a random walk to who knows where without any prior plan as to what you're doing or where you're going.

Kind of like letting go of the wheel.

Letting go. That time of year. For some their time is up. Saying bye to some is tough whether or not you show it. Even if you don't really think about when they're gone you'll notice that they are gone, and then you'll be missing them. It's weird to imagine a year with so many people gone, so many things changing. Right now, it doesn't seem like it'll be a change for the better, but isn't that how change always seems like? Especially if the way it is right now isn't bad. If you're at bottom then something has to change.

Rock bottom.

You know when you've hit it. Something has gone wrong. Maybe you know exactly what went wrong other times you don't. It all feels the same regardless. What is rock bottom? How can you know how it feels to be at the lowest of the low? You've only touched the bottom of how much you know. There can always be a lower point, can't there?

1 AM

How I told myself that I wouldn't be awake this late again. How many times I have told myself this, but always find myself in my chair with my legs stretched out, crossed, and staring at the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen wondering, "Where did all that time go." As if some how I just lost that much time to a void where all lost time goes to and just piles up. Then I wonder. Wonder what I did to make all that time disappear. It only happens when you actually have something important to do though. When you have nothing to do wasting time isn't fun.

Fun.

A relative term. Do you ever wonder how life would be different if the things you thought were fun were things like waking up early, doing homework, doing work, etc. For some it is. For me it isn't. What a stupid thing to think. Where am I going?

With this?

I don't know. Stream of consciousness. Ulysses, Joyce, existentialism, Age of Anxiety. Knowledge that is seemingly useless, but may come in handy one day. Until that day though, it's useless. Seeing is believing? If I never saw Earth again would that mean it didn't exist to me? That I would be dead to the planet? Or would memories keep it alive? Or are memories things that just make you miss something more, and ultimately hurt you more once you realize that you don't have it anymore? All a matter of how you perceive it I suppose.

Perception.

People make me wonder. How can someone think of that? Who saw this and thought that it was a good idea? Do these people ever listen to themselves? Do I ever listen to myself? Do I really believe in what I think I believe in? Maybe I just don't give people enough chances. Or maybe I just can't accept some peoples' perception about things. Like leadership. Some people just seem so closed minded and cocky about themselves. Sometimes I point it out, but other times they just won't listen. People are so full of themselves. I may be one of those people.

Stubborn.

That's what they are. That's what I am. I'd like to think I'm accepting of other ideas, but sometimes it's just so absurd. They don't see the other side or just refuse to believe it. It feels like watching a basketball game where the teams can't see each other. That didn't come out as I thought it would. Things never seem to really come out the way I hope they would.

So I'm glad she did.

If you're still reading this nonsense -cough-Nick-cough-. You're probably the only one that ever seems to care if I write in this or not. Rightfully so. You seem to be the only person to ever be as bored as me and act in the manner that I do. Sometimes you come off insulting me and what not, but I suppose that's just the way you are and despite that fact you're still one of my role models. Oh well, if and when you do read this you'll probably call me gay. I can already see it now. Hahahaha.

The End.

Of my post is approaching. I always write down what I'm thinking or feeling in these, but it never seems really specific enough to really get anything out them. Just vague thoughts that run through my mind one day and maybe come back another. But always coming back. Always.

Always.

Always coming back to nag at my mind. About something...there's always something..

Until then, nothing.