The Incompetence

Today was a usual day.

Get up, school, nap, eat, work.

But in between eat and work I found something. I found my brother's old AP English work papers in a file full of random junk. So I start to read through the papers analyzing Mark Twain, some sonnets, etc. Then I come up on work that hasn't changed in 5 years: Billy Budd Quote Quiz, Mimic Writing Exercise, among others that I can't remember off the top of my head.

Something dawns on me as I read through the papers.

I am terrible at this. I read through these close reads and all I can think to myself is, "I would have never caught this!" Even on the work that we both did he got a higher score. Between never catching the things my brother caught in close reading and him getting a higher score on the same work I start to think more. He was just lazy in school and he got better marks than I did. What if he tried? Where does that leave me? I don't want to think of it as a failure on my part, but how else should I think of it? Not that I'm out to one-up him, but I can't help but think of competition.

Only left me more confused about my future.
But maybe something good will come out of it.
Or maybe I'll just never measure up.